The Opiate of the Asses: October 2012

Saturday, October 27, 2012

The Jew/Alien/Illuminati/Freemason Conspiracy

The Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons rule the world. They control all the banks and all the governments in the world. Obama/Romney/Any leader of any country is a Jew/Alien/Illuminati/Freemason. Israel is the home of the Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons and are in cahoots with the Rockefeller/Rothschild/Any rich family, who also happen to be Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons. I know this because I read it on a site with a black background, size 20 comic-sans font with lots of capital letters. I know this guy is telling the truth because he's just a normal guy like me who was contacted by a Jew/Alien/Illuminati/Freemason. He is now campaigning to reveal the truth the the world. 9/11 was also caused by the Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons. They also control our minds with chem trails and fluoride in the water. The moon landing was hoaxed because the Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons have a base there. The holocaust wasn't real, the Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons faked it all to get a hold on the worthless and inhospitable piece of sand and mountains known as Israel.

This is literally every conspiracy ever in one paragraph. Choose the one you believe in and stop believing in it, because they're all pretty much the same. If you single out one group of people/aliens and build an entire conspiracy around them, your conspiracy is wrong. If there is someone controlling all the world and all the banks, he's doing a pretty shitty job if you ask me. That's the one detail you all seem to miss. The world is in terrible fucking condition. If someone was controlling the world, we'd have alternative energy because there's no possible way the world can rely on oil and coal for much longer. If someone was controlling the world, there would be no global warming because Mr. In Charge would have realized that this would destroy the fucking world if he didn't do something.

I'm sure there's going to be someone that will pull something out of their ass like "The Jews/Aliens/Illuminati/Freemasons planted you" or "It's all a web of lies, there is no global warming or oil crisis". Let me remind you that no theory has been created without solid proof, and you HAVE no solid proof. If you say that I can't disprove it I'll say it's too roundabout and ambiguous to be disproved because of the amount of bullshit you came up with.

Here's a dose of perspective for you.
http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=af07
This is what you sound like.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Your life is fucking perfect. Shut the fuck up

The fact that you are reading this right now means that you are better off than at least 65% of the world. Why? 65% of the world has no internet access. If you have ten dollars in your pocket, you are part of the richest 25% of the world. Ten dollars. There are people in that other 75 percent that would kill for ten dollars.

If you think you have problems, you don't. You have a roof over your head, a family that loves you despite you being a spoiled brat, a comfortable space to sleep, access to unlimited knowledge on the internet, and education. Most of the world is far worse off than you are, they have things to complain about, you don't.

You can say it's all a matter of perspective, and in some cases it is. Having a huge test that you haven't prepared for is a pretty serious first world problem. Having your freedom of speech and freedom of press taken away by the government is arguably a fairly serious second world problem. Those are things that you can complain about. However, you probably don't complain about these things because you find more frivolous things to complain about. Things like "I hate my parents, they never give me anything I want" while texting on an iPhone 5 that your parents just got you. Things like "I've suffered so much, I can't take this anymore, I am calamity", when you're only 15.

Shut. The fuck. Up.

Be grateful for what you have for once in your pathetic life. Realize that your life is great and damn well worth living, so live it instead of wasting it away in your arrogant little cycle of self pity. It helps no one, not even yourself. You want attention? A better way than being a self-loathing whore is getting out and doing things for other people. If you want attention, make a name for yourself by improving the world. Sure it'll be for all the wrong reasons, but at least you'll contribute to society, and maybe you'll get some sense through your fog of imagined depression. Take some goddamn initiative and make the world a better place so other people can be grateful for living. You have been born into privilege, so stop bitching and use that privilege.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My Favorite Flash Loops

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Feminists Need to Chill the Fuck Out

I was in an argument on feminism recently. It was with people I knew and respected and they knew that, or so I assumed. Before I get into too much detail, I'm going to outline my stance on feminism.

Yes, women have less rights than men, they make anywhere between 75 to 89 cents off a man's dollar, are often refused jobs because of their gender, and the republican party is trying to tell them that getting pregnant from rape means they secretly enjoyed it (I shit you not, more on this later though). Bad as these issues are, I believe our society is moving steadily in the right direction to fix these issues. Women are far more respected and far less discriminated than they were a few decades ago. Our current president is fighting for women's rights. In a few more decades, I'm willing to bet these issues will be practically nonexistent.

I'm also willing to bet that that there will still be a ton of loud, angry feminists bitching all over the place.

The aforementioned argument started like this. My friend posted a status completely supporting feminism saying that reverse sexism does not exist at all. I reasonably pointed out that sexism against men does in fact exist, although it may not be as prevalent as sexism against women. I respected her right to disagree, but continued to support my point. That's when shit started to hit the fan. All of a sudden, some of her other friends joined in and completely missed the tone of my arguments. I was going for calm and reasonable, how one should be when in a debate. Somehow they mistook that for angry and totally sexist. I was immediately stereotyped by them as the typical "white male" on a mission to oppress women. Here are some of the other points they made.

-One in three girls under 18 living in the suburbs get raped

-Rape is a calculated system designed by men to oppress women

-Males being forced to sign up for the US Selective Service is actually sexist against women, despite the fact that women can join the military voluntarily.

-All guys are constantly plotting ways to get into a girl's pants.

They would concede none of my points that included:

-Men often get the short straw in divorce cases in terms of child custody and child support.

-Innocent men have been wrongly imprisoned for raping a woman on little more evidence than her word.

-Only men are required to sign up for the selective service

-Women can make sexist jokes against men but men cannot make sexist jokes against women (a point I proved when I made a mild PMS joke after reading several "Men think with their dick" jokes.)

Eventually the argument turned into about five angry feminists yelling at me and my friend while we tried fruitlessly to tell them that their rampant anger really isn't helping their case.

After discussing this with my girlfriend, she said that "They just need some chocolate and Ibuprofen".

The Opiate of the Asses

Blog News